I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord, have mercy on my next thirty years
-Tim McGraw "My Next Thirty Years"
I've had a number of milestones over the past couple of years, and thought I'd spend a little time reflecting back and looking forward.
My 30th birthday hit me pretty hard. I was still in the newly in the throes of motherhood, and learning that there is never a day off or vacation from that role. All I asked for was to be able to take a nap, and if memory serves, I did not get it. I had also started back to work at a sort-of new job. No one remembered it was my birthday. Other stuff going on as well, I can't really remember. I did reflect personally, but didn't get around to making a more public reflection. I think I'm ready for that now.
In many ways, I feel like I have spent 30 years just finally getting my life started. I spent the majority of those years in school and college, which was a fairly direct route since I didn't change majors or anything. I got married. I moved all over (something like 7 places in 7 years?) and worked all over and got to live in a big city for awhile. We bought a house. I found out what kind of work I like to do, and where I wanted to be, and made it through "my year of patience" to finally get the job. We got a supportive church family and some stable friendships. We had a beautiful baby and really became a family.
After taking my job and going through all the orientation, I started thinking about the next 30 years. My husband started talking about when I have put in 30 years with the schools that I'll be fully vested and at the top of my pay grade. It is weird to think about working for the length of time that you've been alive. It can feel more like a life sentence that way, I wouldn't recommend it. Looking in that way, it's as if I spent 30 years preparing, 30 years working, and then I would have less than 30 years of actual living, not beholden to anyone else.
Obviously, you live everyday. You live for the journey, not the destination. You find your daily rewards and enjoy everything you can. There's no point in worrying too far ahead about 30 or 60 years down the road when you might get hit by a bus tomorrow.
My dad used to say that you have to be able to keep some of the introspection, gigantic life questions, and such in boxes- you can't leave them out all the time or you'd never get out of bed. You can't ignore them forever and really understand many things. This is a moment to reflect, not a spiral of navel gazing.
My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here in my next thirty years
My priorities have changed a lot in the last 10 years. I have gone from worrying only about myself to having a family. Family has eclipsed (but not eliminated) my personal aspirations. Leisure pursuits have changed dramatically and often, and managed to survive after a year of neglect. I don't know if men can really identify with this change in perspective, but I think it's fairly common in women. I'm pursuing a more mature balance of my occupations and even my moods.
I do foresee that the time ahead of me will be wonderful. For all that I have traded in settling down into a stable life, each day now with what I have is far better than what I could have had. For all that has passed me by, I am trying to remember the good times with fondness and let go of the things that were not worthwhile. Everything til now has brought me to this point, where things are largely well. There are toddler tempers and work stresses and general crap, but overall, things are great. Let's hope it continues to be so.